TheAphexTwin84's Xanga

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 00:33:11 GMT

KingJimmy0522: It isn't that I don't love you, Dave.
Zhen Xin Ai: no I understand what it is Jim .. *holds back from crying* strong dave, strong dave
KingJimmy0522: <sigh>
KingJimmy0522: No help, you are.
Zhen Xin Ai: why do you hate me Jim
Zhen Xin Ai: ?
KingJimmy0522: you should stop reading over people's shoulders.
KingJimmy0522: That's a trademark of a terrible, terrible person.
Zhen Xin Ai: no, Jim, not loving Dave and not coming to the party with me is the mark of a terrible person
Zhen Xin Ai: this is me Jim, this is Dave
KingJimmy0522: Oh.
Zhen Xin Ai: it always has been
Zhen Xin Ai: you don't even know me anymore?!
KingJimmy0522: We've become two different people, I'm afraid.
Zhen Xin Ai: what happened to us, we used to be so close.
KingJimmy0522: Yeah...I dunno.
Zhen Xin Ai: after all I shared with you
KingJimmy0522: :'(
KingJimmy0522: I can't handle this.
KingJimmy0522: It's too painful for me.
KingJimmy0522: I have to be alone.
Zhen Xin Ai: JIM, DONT YOU THINK ITS PAINFUL FOR ME TOO?!?!
Zhen Xin Ai: sorry
Zhen Xin Ai: I didn't mean to yell
Zhen Xin Ai: I'm just upset!
Zhen Xin Ai: I see how it is
Zhen Xin Ai: you aren't tired
KingJimmy0522: I am tired.
KingJimmy0522: Too tired to drink and party.
Zhen Xin Ai: not too tired to play cards!!
Zhen Xin Ai: well I'm not drinking]
KingJimmy0522: But I have enough control to be able to play.
KingJimmy0522: Anyway, I must be off.
Zhen Xin Ai: goodbye Jim
Zhen Xin Ai: this is it
Zhen Xin Ai: forever!
KingJimmy0522: :'(
Zhen Xin Ai: *sobs*
KingJimmy0522: <sniff>

The Love of My Life is GONE!!!

I'm so sad. Jim was my everything. And now.... I'm desperately alone.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 17:11:34 GMT

all I have to say right now is

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 16:28:36 GMT

So I'm here (UR) for thanksgiving right now. Its interesting because I'm not in a dorm setting this year which makes for a much nicer time. I mean last night I watched TV with some friends and sat in front of the fire (fireplace) for a few hours. I had forgotten I actually lived on campus for a bit. I ended the night with a really cool good talk with Tegan. Even though I miss going home, which I really do, I miss my brother alot right now, we haven't had much of a chance to talk recently, I'm having a good time here and enjoying it to say the least.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 19:33:50 GMT

Hmm I feel like I need to get my life organized right now to salvage this semester. I've been fucking off alot this semester, more than I usually do and I'm starting to think there is an underlying reason for it. (Isn't there always) Part of it is that I wasn't ready for the demands of heading an organization. I'm still not and if I had the choice right now (and I knew ICMC would be fine if I left) I would leave my position. Probably sounds horrible but I feel like the responsibility of this particular group is a big boulder weighing on my back right now and something inside feels like I can't get myself up and going with this semester and my music and my guitar and my drums without getting rid of it. I started playing a guitar transcription of Erik Satie's Gymnopedie #1 yesterday, oh it is incredible and fun. But it really reminded me how much I just want to drop out of school (well these classes) and just practice. But I'll stick it out for a degree now, providing I salvage this semester. If this semester doesn't get any better though I'm going to be leaving the organization for a spot more conducive to studying whether I really want to or not.

But enough about that, yay for Rally!
I've actually had the chance more recently to participate in some SCCA RallyCross events. Oh man is it a blast. I've got my stock (no really, it is.. I swear!) 91 Talon TSi running in it and it is sooo much fun. And its a really good experience for driving. But more importantly I made a great stride in the last event. I was able to pull down the fastest time of the day racing against fully prepped open class Rally cars even. It was a great feeling and I'm hoping to find some way to continue racing without destroying my car or my bank account completely.

I think that about wraps it up for this week.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 03:11:04 GMT

Well I'm trying to wrap my mind around this and I'm not sure how. There is a person I know and that person is probably the most deeply self-centered selfish person I've ever met. And this person is also insanely devoutly christian, like 4 days a week at church christian. How can I do it? How can I possibly reconcile that a devout member of an indoctrination so touted on its morality can be so blatantly against the grain of normal ethics? I don't think I can chalk this up to morality being subjective can I?

I guess I'm just at a loss of what to make of it, with all the media focus on things like value voting and moral high ground ect... ect... It's so hard to take anyone's "moral code" as honest, as what they say just goes against how they act so much. Is this the great compromise of our generation? A culture of dishonest morality? I like to think not (I want to be a little optimistic) but sometimes it's hard to think that way.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 22:48:15 GMT

well I'm stuck on this song, "Soft"
it's a modern (but not atonal) piece of music that is unique in every sense of the word and I can't stop listening to it.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 00:19:21 GMT

Sooo much going on. Wow. I could make a list of 6000 things that should be done tonight. But the only thing on my mind is the conversation I had with my brother. He just seemed really.... sad. I wish I could do something but I know he is just really overwhelmed with school and being away the girl. I can't wait to see him again, only a month and some. It is a very interesting feeling going home for my cousin's wedding. Life is quite the extraordinary spectacular thing! I think that is all for tonight.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 22:19:07 GMT

Yep, more stuff. Sometimes this school is too much, not the school but the people. I love the school but sometimes I wish I went to a less ritzy/prestigious place because I know I interact alot better there. I am lucky though, I have found two people here which I can honestly say are the best friends I have and think I'll end up having throughout my four years here.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 19:34:27 GMT

Updates, maybe I'll actually make them more frequent:

Realization for this week(s) - Priveleged people are amazingly god damned selfish. That would be the one thing being in a leadership position has taught me so far. Really really selfish, and they have no idea that they are. And I really don't think they could change. Honestly.

more to come later tonight